


pep talk.

by IllyaTsubomi



Category: THE iDOLM@STER
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 15:36:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17164637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllyaTsubomi/pseuds/IllyaTsubomi
Summary: Just by one proper glance, Ritsuko could tell what’s going on with you. From the look of your eyes that looked like you could drop tears at any moment, from how your body is shaking and shivering while it was far from a cold temperature in the room, from how you couldn’t say anything on the reply of Ritsuko asking how you felt that day.[ Ritsuko x Female!Producer (Reader) in which she calms her down during a panic attack, a gift fic for youchuu. ]





	pep talk.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [youchuu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youchuu/gifts).



> I don't know how to tag this, but the female Producer here is very depressed and have destructive thoughts so it may be a trigger. 
> 
> It's been a year since I last wrote Reader fics (I deleted the ones I wrote before though)... but I'm quite happy with how this turns out. Hope all the RitsukoPs enjoy it! (Sent it in advance to the one gifted though and I'm glad she loves it)

Just by one proper glance, Ritsuko could tell what’s going on with you. From the look of your eyes that looked like you could drop tears at any moment, from how your body is shaking and shivering while it was far from a cold temperature in the room, from how you couldn’t say anything on the reply of Ritsuko asking how you felt that day. A simple everyday question had gone wrong, and she felt a stream of guilt about it.

 

“Hey… you okay?”

 

Ritsuko said in a softer voice than her straightforward question from before, but you couldn’t even dare to reply to her voice. Right now, you are focusing to keep yourself away from harming thoughts, and it’s proven to be harder than you thought it would be when you stepped in the office.

 

If you even thought of trying to fake it okay, you’d be ridden with guilt that you’re a horrible producer that didn’t trust Ritsuko enough to rely on her. Yet, if your feeling were to overflow right in this moment, you felt like Ritsuko would hate you or find you unreliable. The conflicting feelings hurt you more than you’ve ever thought, and you wanted to go home and cry.

 

“Are you listening to me? Hey, Producer,”

 

There is nothing you can do about your current situation, and you only wanted to curl down and cry your feelings out, wishing you could disappear forever from this world. You knew you can’t, Ritsuko and everyone else in the office would need you right now, but you also felt like you rather die and be forgotten. Maybe that way she would get someone better to produce her, and she would be---

 

“Listen to me, ___!”

 

Ritsuko called out your name all of sudden. No one in this office had _ever_ called you by your name yet, let alone your first name. While at normal situation it would make you overridden with happiness and embarrassment as you really adored Ritsuko, the fact that Ritsuko had finally gotten your attention in this kind of situation made you panic. What should you even do now that she’s looking at you directly like that while your head had been ridden with horrible, harming thoughts? Ritsuko gazed to your eyes as she grabbed your shoulder, as if she’s making sure you never let your mind wander back to the darkness she felt was going on and on your head.

 

“R—Ritsuko… I… I’m sorry.” At the very least, you want to apologize for everything. You felt horrible for letting her and everyone else worrying about this pathetic woman known as you.

 

“..What is this about?” Ritsuko answered your apology with that one phrase, just to confirm what were going on; even if she had a feeling on what exactly is it. Her hands are still on your shoulder, and that touch had pretty much reaffirm you to reality. Yet, your brain is not cooperating with positive thoughts just yet.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m such a horrible person, aren’t I? I… I shouldn’t even be here. You girls are too good and don’t deserve someone like me. There could’ve been anyone else on my position and better…” you confessed. Tears begin to overflow to your cheek as with your feelings. Ritsuko’s hold to your shoulder softens for a while, as if she were thinking of what should be right to say and what was not. From the glasses on her eyes, reflected the sobbing girl that you didn’t want to see, so you had turned away from her just so you wouldn’t look at yourself.

 

You didn’t even notice until she ends up grabbing your cheek to have you look at your eyes beyond her glasses.

 

“Why are you saying that ‘you didn’t deserve us’?!” She declared as if in anger, yet some kind of sadness is reflected in her eyes.  You could see that clearly, and you could tell why, yet you can’t get your mind to that light just yet. “You’re just as precious and irreplaceable! Not only I think that way, _everyone_ thinks that way!”

 

“But I… I… even right now, I… I couldn’t do anything. I kept on making mistakes, I kept on troubling everyone… Maybe if I wasn’t here, maybe if I just disappear, it would be better for everyone…”

 

“Everyone make mistakes, ___! Even I do, no matter how I attempt to decrease it by calculating it, it would still happen! Don’t undervalue yourself, please! There are already so many things you have accomplished, so many people who cared about you, including _me_!” All of sudden, you could heard a sobbing voice that isn’t yours. It was clearly Ritsuko’s, as she lets go of your cheek to wipe her own tears that had cluttered her glasses that she had less of a vision. “___, I know there might be tough days even ahead of us, but please, let us—no, let _me_ help you… because you’re so important to me.”

 

“R—Ritsuko… I… I… I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry… It’s been too tough that I… I didn’t think of that, nor I was thinking about your feelings…” You started to cry again, but this time you could feel a little more of her light. That moment, you could feel it. At the very least, Ritsuko sees you as an important, precious existence, and wouldn’t want you to be gone. Just by reminding yourself that, you could felt a form of radiance shining through yourself, as if it brightens up the clouds that had been occupying your brain.

 

Ritsuko is really your light, as you thought so, you were reminded of your duty as her producer; to make everyone else who might be on your position brightens up their own day with this radiance of hers. You’re sure Ritsuko would’ve say for you to not being defeated by how cruel the world can be, just as you could imagine by her gestures, though you’d love to hear it in reality. Thankfully, she would say something similar, at least.

 

“I’m sorry too for yelling out like that,” Ritsuko wiped her tears as she wore back her glasses to look at you, still sobbing. “Well, I might not know what’s exactly going on in your head right now, and it might be really a tough day for you, but please love yourself more and fight on. Not only for me who cared so much about you, for everyone around you who do, but for yourself too. If it’s too tough, you could rely on me, too. Trust me, I wouldn’t let you down.”

 

“Thank you… I’m sorry….” You sobbed, and Ritsuko pats your shoulder, before grabbing you on a hug she normally wouldn’t do. It was a way to calm you down and despite how you panic in embarrassment of how you could clearly smell her scent and how soft the hug is, it was no longer a panic out of depression, so you knew her way is working out a little too well. Not like you could tell Ritsuko that honestly, though. You’d be too embarrassed to say that out loud.

 

“Hey, it’s okay. I also had such days. It’s better to let them all out like this rather than letting it bottle up and burden you.” From your position you couldn’t see, but Ritsuko smiles a little in relief that you’re feeling better than a few minutes before. She couldn’t care about how your tears are staining her shirt, as your calm and safety is more important to her right now. She even pats your head—this one you could clearly feel by her soft hands on your head, caressing your hair.

 

“But… Is it really okay if I rely on you like this, Ritsuko?” You tug on her sleeves, slightly shy. You hid your post-crying face on her shoulder so she couldn’t see the unsure feelings running through and showing up in your eyes; though you knew she’d get the idea sooner or later, as she’s the all knowledgeable Akizuki Ritsuko. “I’m your Producer, I felt like it should be other way around… I felt unreliable”

 

“Of course it’s okay,” Ritsuko raised her glasses with her free left hand, as her right hand is caressing your head to make sure the horrible thoughts won’t be popping out back there. “We’re in this together. Your position aside, an idol like me should be someone who makes people smile, am I right? That should include the idol’s most precious girl.”

 

“Most precious girl….?” You blinked. There’s a sense of disbelief on what you’re hearing that you felt like it could’ve been an illusion you’re hearing out of your inner desires after you calmed down. Yet as you said so, Ritsuko went red to her ears, blushing so hard that you started to consider the possibility of it being reality. Either way, Ritsuko is embarrassed now, and you could clearly know where this is coming from.

 

“C—Crap! Please forget I said that!” Ritsuko said, covering her face with her palm out of embarrassment. It was really adorable, that you started to gain enough strength to rise back up and standing from your chair just from how cute she is. Even though your legs were so wimpy from the depression attack you had just before, now you do stands up and while Ritsuko is glad to see that, she still is too shy to see your face directly and hid it again back to her palm.

 

“T—there’s no way I can forget that!” You said, as you stand up. “Hey, Ritsuko—no, Ricchan! Am I really your ‘most precious girl?’…?”

 

“W…well, you’re my Producer, so… uh… _yeah_ , I guess… I mean, I… do see you as very important so I… Uh, I mean… if you don’t mind, I….” Ritsuko got really confused on what to say and kept on stuttering and correcting her words, that she can only hope you would dismiss this topic right away. At that peaceful sight, you smiled. By this time, the light had shines through its best and you can again look forward for everything, so you did your best to tease her a little. You hoped she would forgave you for a little bit of your own selfishness, to see her cute side; you felt like she wouldn’t mind, so you continued.

 

“Is that so… Don’t worry! You’re my most precious girl too, Ritsuko! I love you lots that I could say it every day, thank you very much! I’ll do my best producing you and your sweet personality and letting everyone know you’re the cutest, brightest girl from now on, too!” you said, a little bit ranting about her good points, with a gentle smile. Yeah, you knew most of it was out of pure feelings, yet a spice of it were how much you want to tease her a little to see more of her cuteness of being embarrassed for you saying something so bold as if it were a love confession.

 

_Well, maybe a little of it was a love confession._

 

“Aw geez, don’t be that straightforward, ___! I’m happy you felt that way, but please don’t goof around too much about this…! It’s… embarrassing!” Ritsuko blushed while yelling at you, though she’s relieved that you have gone well enough to joke around thanks to her speech. In fact, she smiled a little in relief when you weren’t looking, though her face was definitely still red to the ears that you probably wouldn’t notice well at that moment.

 

…Right now, the really embarrassed Akizuki Ritsuko can only pray for at least the twins to not come on running to the office they were in and tease her for months about what’s going on with them. It would be hell to gone through, she thought. Though she also thought that as long as you smiled at her and stayed with her together as the jokesters tease them, maybe it wouldn’t be that bad.


End file.
